Scottish Salmon growing bigger! Or are they??

As salmon fishermen we all have our own theories about the King of Fish and their mysterious habits. After all, the fact we don’t know for sure is what leads to all the fishing hut and dinner table discussion, with each of us taking the lead from whatever theory appears to be most logical. The enigma of the salmon both stimulates and frustrates, our natural quest for answers to all questions
An recent article in our local paper, the Press and Journal, brought a wry smile – To a salmon fisherman, the headline – “Scottish Salmon Growing Bigger”, is always going to raise an eyebrow. The article, published on the 26th September, focused on the fact that there appeared to be many more large fish in Scottish rivers this year; a fact which anyone fishing Scottish rivers with any regularity over the past few years could not have failed to notice. There is no doubt there are more fish which have spent 2 or more winters at sea, something which in the past was so common in most large rivers, it would not have raised as much as an eyebrow. So, after many years of grilse being the dominant stock component on almost every large river, now, as in the past, it would appear weather and climate conditions are now favouring fish which have spent 2 or more years at sea; so, nothing new here!
Enter the comedy act – People who call themselves fisheries biologists, or should I say statisticians or politicians! I’m not really sure they know what they are themselves! In the article one is saying, salmon are growing bigger due to the “Changing temperature of the North Sea caused by Climate Change”! Ah yes, good old Global Warming. When in doubt blame it on Climate Change, two words frequently used by the scientific community to spread fear and panic, and normally a precursor to more pointless research. Whilst in the same article, another scientist, obviously with a slightly different agenda, is saying, “Statistically”, salmon are actually getting smaller! I thought; how interesting, two professors with completely polarised views. I wonder which one of those “experts” will be right?
Well, apparently, the answer is the one with the beard and sandals, who miraculously, was the surviving recipient of the first ever head transplant, unfortunately however, a surgical error ended with the professor being given the head of a border collie, a mistake which the surgeon stressed would not pose too much of a problem as the collie is an intelligent dog! Amazingly he has been proved right, as not 3 weeks after the operation his beard had grown sufficiently enough for him to secure a job in a laboratory in Tayside. Although there are those who are questioning some of his new habits, most see his uncontrollable urge to get up the arse of senior colleagues as completely normal!!

Yiv gotta ti laugh!!